Getting Healthy

Weight and health and body image are touchy subjects for most people, and definitely some things I have struggled with throughout my life. I've talked about my whole up and down battle with becoming healthy before, and just when I think that I am read to bring the reins back in, I continue to do whatever I want over what I should be doing. Over the last 2-3 years my eating and activity habits have drastically changed. I went from working out and being active, to my only activity being walking on campus. I stopped paying a lot of attention to the foods I put in my body, and how often, to eating what I wanted whenever I wanted. I'll spare the whole story, as it is one I've blogged about before here and on other platforms. But, needless to say this whole wedding business has put this aspect of my life in perspective. Ever since getting engaged I've known that I've wanted to make some huge changes, but hadn't been quite ready to give it 100% for some reason. I don't now if I have been scared of failing, nervous about having to put in all of the work, or what it is, but it's been a long road to get myself into gear. After a lot of thought and consideration I have decided once and for all that I am really, truly, ready to get back to being happy and healthy. 

I reenrolled at the gym I belonged to last summer. There I have 24 hour access to all of the fitness equipment, and "free" fitness classes. So far I have been going to spin and Zumba, and even though it's only been a week, I'm already feeling great! My first spin class (45 minutes of intense cycling) I didn't think I was going to be able to finish. But, I powered through, did what I could, and went to another class a couple of days later. Zumba is much easier for me. I love constant movement and the dance element. It makes the hour fly by and feel more like fun than work, even though I am sweating and exhausted by the end. It also helps that one of my wonderful friends, Kristin, also joined this gym and loves going to the workout classes with me. It's so much easier to be doing this with someone else than just going at it alone!

As for eating, when Joe and I moved in together I started making weekly grocery lists and doing some meal planning on Sunday night's. Between our families and weekly friend dinners that have been in place for years, so far I only cook 2-3 times a week. But, I try to make the meals we do make at home as healthy as possible. We make sure to stock up on fruits and veggies to snack on instead of chips and other junk food, and try to have a salad with each meal to bring in more veggies. I definitely have a huge sweet tooth, which has proved my biggest hurdle, but thanks to Pinterest I am finding some healthier alternatives that still give me my sweet fix. This week I'm also going to give the least scary spinach smoothie I could find a try. (There's something unsettling to me about something as sweet and fruity as a smoothie being loaded with veggies.) I know so many people that sing the praises of "green smoothies"and the like, so I'm going to ease into it and see what all of the hype is about.

Right now I don't have a solid goal in mind. I have an ideal number of pounds I'd like to shed in my mind, but I'm not holding myself to it right now. Really, I'd just love to feel good about me - what I see in the mirror, how I feel on the inside, and how I feel in my clothes. I just want to feel as healthy and happy as I can without driving myself crazy. If the number on the scale widdles down to the absolute ideal goal weight and that makes me happy, then good. If I just feel great in my own skin and become happy with myself without needing the number on the scale to be "perfect", then awesome. This is more about me feeling good about myself, and less about aiming to reach something that could turn out to be completely unobtainable.

I want to feel amazing on my wedding day, and every day. I want to feel and look like the best version of myself and finally feel like I'm at a place where I can be committed to doing it and feel motivated to do this for me! 

Becoming a Healthier Bride-To-Be and Me!

I've gone back and forth over whether I wanted to talk about this here or not. It's a touchy subject and something I can be kind of sensitive about. But, inevitably I decided that if I'm going to share every other experience of mine dealing with this whole engagement and wedding, then I might as well really share it all.

My weight and body image are something I have struggled with my whole life. I've always been thick. I come from genes on both side of my family that have left me with some less than desirable body traits.  I grew up not always feeling the best about myself, getting picked on for being the "chubby girl", and wishing I was as thin as my friends. As I grew out of my awkward stage somewhere in middle school I thinned out a bit and got solid. I was a dancer, and later a performer, for years, so while I was a thick girl, I was all muscle and constantly working out in some way, shape, or form.

Then I graduated high school. My freshman year of college I really didn't do too bad. It was when I moved out on my own that bad habits set in. While I had a full-time job, I was also paying rent, and my groceries, and my gas for the first time. I realized that buying processed foods was way cheaper than fruits and veggies. After working and going to class all day by the time I got home cooking and working out did not sound fun. Party pizzas and Ramen became my best friends. And then when Joe and I started dating things really went nuts. Suddenly I wasn't trying to impress someone or feeling like I needed to look a certain way. I was finally comfortable with myself and with someone who liked me for me and how I looked. We went out to eat a lot. Pizza Hut was right across the street from my apartment complex so we ordered it often when we were looking for something close and quick. I indulged in my sweet tooth more than normal. They say when you enter a new relationship and you are comfortable you gain a little "love weight". I won't say exactly how much I have gained between when I first met Joe and now, but I will say it is a significant number I am not proud of.

About a year and a half ago I decided to do something to get myself healthy. I started working out, cooking more, and making healthy choices. I joined a program that was easy to follow and made me feel good. I lost somewhere around 20 pounds and was feeling really good about myself. Then life got busy, I got lazy, and somehow before I knew it I gained all the weight I worked so hard to lose back pound by pound. After being mad at myself and feeling sorry I decided to try to do something about it. Over the summer I joined a gym and was working out regularly. However, I still ran into the old problems of convenience, a love of food, and a killer sweet tooth which probably just canceled out the work I was doing at the gym.

After we got engaged and I started looking at wedding dresses I got a little panicked thinking about trying dresses on. I could just see myself trying on a dress for the best day of my life and feeling insecure about how I looked and not enjoying it. So, I decided to do something about it. I've recommitted myself to becoming a healthier me. I've rejoined the program I lost 20 pounds on, attended my first meeting, and had my first weigh-in. I don't want to say I'm only losing weight for my wedding, but it is definitely what is giving me the biggest kick in the butt right now. I want to feel beautiful on my big day and not have the little voice in the back of my head that is ever-present doubting me and bringing me down. I want to feel good about myself inside and out now, for my wedding, and beyond. I have an ultimate goal weight in mind along with little goals I'd like to hit along the way. I'm not ready to share those yet, but maybe eventually.

I'm excited to start this journey. I've done it before so I know I can do it! I just need to stay committed and focused on what I am doing and why!