On Having a Church Wedding

Deciding on the type of ceremony we will have is something that really gave me a lot of anxiety. I was raised in the Catholic church. I was baptized, went to Bible school, participated in confession and had my First Communion. For a long time my family went to church every Sunday and I remember always having my "Sunday best" on. Joe was also raised Catholic and even went to Catholic school. As I got older we stopped going to church as much and eventually we stopped going at all. Occasionally I would go to Saturday night service with my grandma when she would take my great-grandma, but even that hasn't happened for a couple of years. There really isn't a big reason that I can remember why we stopped going to church every week, it's just something that faded out of our lives slowly until it just wasn't a part of our lives anymore. I've struggled for a long time about what I do and don't believe. I've tried many times to make sense of everything both religiously and not. It's always been something that has tugged on me and left me feeling confused more times than not. As someone that over thinks everything, this is really no surprise.

So as we started talking about our wedding ceremony we had to decide if we would go the church route, or opt for a different ceremony location and find an officiant. There have been no shortage of thoughts, opinions and suggestions. But it was a decision that inevitably ahas really been up to Joe and I. Knowing my feelings Joe was really great and let this decision ultimately be mine. After a lot of thinking, weighing pros and cons and taking different suggestions into consideration I decided that we would be married in a church.

I have been really worried about other people in this. Some of our friends and family aren't religious at all. Some follow different religions. Some really don't understand the need for a church at all or that type of wedding. For some reason the idea of someone making a snide remark about our decision or not being comfortable has worried me more than the personal decision itself. And to make me feel even sillier, this is a decision that comes so freely and thoughtless to other people. But here I am taking months to decide and worrying about everyone else. I suppose that's just how I am in most everything.

I really do feel like this will be the perfect ceremony for us. There is something comforting to me about the idea of walking down the aisle in a place where so many other people have started their own lives together, being watched over and cared for by something bigger than themselves (whatever or whomever you believe that is).

Neither of us, nor our families really belong to a church currently except for Joe's mom, so we are looking around at a couple of different churches that we feel like may be right for us. In the next week or two we plan on moving forward with the process to be married in the church. It's kind of a weird and scary and exciting experience all at once. It's going back to something that is both familiar and completely out of my comfort zone all at once. I think we're both glad to be moving on to the next step and have something marked off of the "to do" list.

To Get Married In A Church, Or Not

First of all, I know for some people this kind of thing can be a touchy subject. But, as with everything so far, I'm really trying to share my whole thought and planning process, so sharing this is also important to me as with everything else. I am not very religious. This is not to say that I don't have my own beliefs, or that I am completely anti-religion, I'm just not 100% positive where I lie on the subject. I have long history with trying to find myself in this aspect and with exploring different religions, practices, beliefs, etc... I just haven't quite yet figured out exactly what I do and do not believe and what exactly I feel my faith is. So, one of the biggest things I have been struggling with since day one has been whether or not to have a church and/or religious wedding.

I grew up Catholic. My grandma attended Catholic schools her whole life and my grandparents were married at Most Precious Blood Catholic Church, the church that my grandma grew up in. My parents were married in the Cathedral in downtown Fort Wayne. I was both baptized and had my first communion through the Catholic church and up until I was in middle school, I attended Sunday school and church services regularly. Then we stopped going. I would go to church with my dad occasionally, not Catholic church, but I still had some religion in my life. I would tag a long with my grandma when she would take my great-grandma to Saturday evening mass, but my days as a regular church attendee were over. As I reached high school I began to really question a lot of what I knew about religion and throughout the years I have struggled with what I do and do not believe. I have had spurts where I'll start to really try to commit to something, but I get scared and let my thoughts and uncertainty take over.

When Joseph and I began discussing ceremony locations, who would officiate, etc... we kind of hit a wall. I was not opposed to the idea of getting married in a church, even initially, I just did not feel the connection that I felt should be necessary to make a church wedding meaningful. Joe on the other hand very much wanted a church wedding right off the bat. Even with this difference in opinion Joe let me know that he wanted it to be my decision and what I am comfortable with. I took his words and really sat on them. I have spent the last 7 months going back and forth in my head about what the right choice for us is. I've really done a ton of thinking, because the main event of the wedding IS THE CEREMONY! That's why everyone is there; to see you tie the knot! So, I've really been having a little internal battle over whether I would like to have our ceremony in a church or in a neutral location with a justice of the peace, professional officiant, or someone who is close to us conducting the ceremony. I took a lot into consideration including, both of our beliefs, our families wishes, how comfortable we would be in each scenario, our budget, etc... I also looked around at what other brides in the area have done and tried to look around for some pros and cons kind of things for each option.

I am still going back and forth with this decision. It's definitely not something I am taking lightly. In my mind, this is one of the most important decisions in this whole wedding process. It is so important for me to have the ceremony that best represents us, our beliefs, our families, and makes us feel most at ease. I really wish it was an easier choice for me and that I didn't feel so conflicted. It really is the most personal decision of all, and something that I want Joe and myself to both be beyond comfortable and happy with. I know that no matter what we end up deciding, our ceremony will be special, it's just reaching the decision that might take a little more time.

Making Plans

As of last night I have made my first official wedding related appointment! A couple of weeks ago when I went to the bridal show I ended up winning a free bridesmaid bouquet from one of the vendors, One of a Kind Events. I'm pretty excited about it considering I NEVER win anything! The owner, Linda, sent me a really nice email letting me know I had won the drawing and that I could schedule a no-pressure, free, consultation with her to talk about my vision for our wedding day.

One of a Kind Events is kind of a one stop shop for wedding planning and design. They do everything from ceremony bouquets, to reception decor, to total wedding planning. I was actually really impressed with their set-up at the bridal show. They had a variety of examples of bouquets and centerpieces that showcased all kinds of styles. On their website they have a feature that showcases "real weddings" they have done, which is really cool because you get to see, not only what One of a Kind Events offers, but how the decorations and such looks in a real setting. In just looking online I am impressed with the variety of different styles Linda and her team can cater to.

At first I was a little hesitant to schedule a consultation. I don't know a thing about flowers other than I think certain ones look pretty, and I know what Baby's Breath looks like. I'm also not 100% sure what I'm picturing as far as reception centerpieces and decor goes. But, since the consultation is free I decided to take the leap and schedule a time to meet. I think this will be a great chance to talk to a professional and see if she can take the crazy jumbled ideas in my head and imagine my vision as well. I plan on taking some examples of what I like with me to hopefully get some feedback and see if we can shape something together. Even if I don't necessarily end up going with One of a Kind Events, a consultation can't hurt, right? And if I do, then I will be officially, officially, be in the midst of wedding planning (and I get my free bouquet!).

This is really exciting to me even though it probably seems small to other people. Up until this point it has been printing, cutting, and gluing pictures into a binder and gathering all of the information my bridal brain can handle. Setting up this appointment is the first real step I've made toward actual planning. It's kind of like when you're going up that first hill on a roller coaster. You're anxious and you know that there is no turning back once you get to the top.

Next up is compiling a list of venues for the ceremony and reception! Hopefully we'll be making appointments to check some out soon. Once March rolls around I want to be able to make a decision on the venue. Joe and I looked at a few places during the summer, but haven't visited any since. Luckily from that we were able to knock a couple of places off of our list. I'm really excited to look at more places and look at them with both Joe and my mom. 13 months until the wedding means that full on wedding planning and decision making is just around the corner!