1 Year

We've finally crossed the 1 year mark. This time next year, Joe and I will be married and, hopefully, on our honeymoon. I can't believe that we're finally counting down months. When someone asks me when the wedding is, it's not March of 2014 - it's March of next year. It's so exciting!

Photo taken by Amy during our Chicago trip over the weekend.

All I could think of all day Friday (the day exactly one year from our wedding date) was what I would be doing at that very moment a year from then. What would I be feeling and thinking? What dress would I be wearing? How would Joe be feeling? Will our wedding day be that perfect picture we'll work so hard to plan to the T, or will there be some bumps in the wedding road? And on and on and on. I really don't think I've ever been more excited for anything in my whole 23 years. To know that in less than a year I will be married to the guy that makes me laugh, the friend who is always there for me, the person I love with every inch of my being is overwhelming, but in the best way possible.

I really could go on, but I feel like there are only so many times I can explain how much I love Joe and how excited and happy I am to be marrying him before people that read this start rolling their eyes. But, above all else, I know that no matter what happens in the next year - ups, downs, wedding planning and feeling out this next phase - I have the person I feel the most comfortable with beside me. I can't wait for the next 359 days to go by so that I can walk down the aisle and say "I do"!

Becoming a Healthier Bride-To-Be and Me!

I've gone back and forth over whether I wanted to talk about this here or not. It's a touchy subject and something I can be kind of sensitive about. But, inevitably I decided that if I'm going to share every other experience of mine dealing with this whole engagement and wedding, then I might as well really share it all.

My weight and body image are something I have struggled with my whole life. I've always been thick. I come from genes on both side of my family that have left me with some less than desirable body traits.  I grew up not always feeling the best about myself, getting picked on for being the "chubby girl", and wishing I was as thin as my friends. As I grew out of my awkward stage somewhere in middle school I thinned out a bit and got solid. I was a dancer, and later a performer, for years, so while I was a thick girl, I was all muscle and constantly working out in some way, shape, or form.

Then I graduated high school. My freshman year of college I really didn't do too bad. It was when I moved out on my own that bad habits set in. While I had a full-time job, I was also paying rent, and my groceries, and my gas for the first time. I realized that buying processed foods was way cheaper than fruits and veggies. After working and going to class all day by the time I got home cooking and working out did not sound fun. Party pizzas and Ramen became my best friends. And then when Joe and I started dating things really went nuts. Suddenly I wasn't trying to impress someone or feeling like I needed to look a certain way. I was finally comfortable with myself and with someone who liked me for me and how I looked. We went out to eat a lot. Pizza Hut was right across the street from my apartment complex so we ordered it often when we were looking for something close and quick. I indulged in my sweet tooth more than normal. They say when you enter a new relationship and you are comfortable you gain a little "love weight". I won't say exactly how much I have gained between when I first met Joe and now, but I will say it is a significant number I am not proud of.

About a year and a half ago I decided to do something to get myself healthy. I started working out, cooking more, and making healthy choices. I joined a program that was easy to follow and made me feel good. I lost somewhere around 20 pounds and was feeling really good about myself. Then life got busy, I got lazy, and somehow before I knew it I gained all the weight I worked so hard to lose back pound by pound. After being mad at myself and feeling sorry I decided to try to do something about it. Over the summer I joined a gym and was working out regularly. However, I still ran into the old problems of convenience, a love of food, and a killer sweet tooth which probably just canceled out the work I was doing at the gym.

After we got engaged and I started looking at wedding dresses I got a little panicked thinking about trying dresses on. I could just see myself trying on a dress for the best day of my life and feeling insecure about how I looked and not enjoying it. So, I decided to do something about it. I've recommitted myself to becoming a healthier me. I've rejoined the program I lost 20 pounds on, attended my first meeting, and had my first weigh-in. I don't want to say I'm only losing weight for my wedding, but it is definitely what is giving me the biggest kick in the butt right now. I want to feel beautiful on my big day and not have the little voice in the back of my head that is ever-present doubting me and bringing me down. I want to feel good about myself inside and out now, for my wedding, and beyond. I have an ultimate goal weight in mind along with little goals I'd like to hit along the way. I'm not ready to share those yet, but maybe eventually.

I'm excited to start this journey. I've done it before so I know I can do it! I just need to stay committed and focused on what I am doing and why!

Going the Distance

Once again I find myself at the start of yet another school year down in Muncie at Ball State. It's my 3rd year down here and my 5th year of college. Needless to say I am more than ready to be done, which I will be come May! With this new school year comes the start of another 9 months of a long distance relationship. Even though my apartment in Muncie and Fort Wayne are only 80 miles and about an hour apart, it still is not fun to deal with so much space.

Being away from my family, the majority of my friends, and Joe never gets any easier. I'm a homebody to begin with; so living by myself and going about my day to day life on my own can get lonely. It also makes being in a relationship different and at times difficult. While we definitely don't have it too rough and we see each other nearly every weekend, it doesn't keep it from being rough sometimes. Not getting to see your significant other whenever you want is the dumps and when I am home I usually have a pretty intense schedule of sorts making sure I fit in everyone and everything and spend enough time with people to keep everyone happy. 

So, during the school year unless I'm home for breaks and unless he comes to Muncie, I see Joe about once a week for a total of a few hours. It's better than nothing but it definitely makes me jealous of people that get to see their boyfriends daily or whenever they want. I also makes other aspects of a relationship... The majority of our communication throughout the week is through text messages and one nightly phone call right before bed. He works and is going to school and I'm juggling class and school organizations, so we are rarely having downtime at the same time. When we have an argument there isn't the "luxury" of being able to talk face to face about it. And let's be honest, sometimes it's just nice to lay around doing nothing or to have the option to do something together when we want.

This is also part of the reason we chose to have a year and a half engagement. Trying to plan a wedding while in two different places, on tight weekend constraints, and while I'm finishing school and he's in the middle of school did not sound very fun. This way we can pace ourselves and do a little at a time before I graduate and planning kicks into full gear. 

In reality our "long distance" relationship isn't all that bad, just inconvenient and annoying a lot of the time. I'm also just big baby when it comes to this kind of thing. So, here's to another school year and 9 more months of independent living!

Tractor pulls, best friends, and a ring.

One of the first things people ask you when they find out that you are engaged is how the whole proposal went down. Where were you? How did he do it? What did he say? What did you do? Are you happy? (DUH!) The list goes on. Our proposal story doesn't include flash mobs, or scavenger hunts, or renting out theaters, or a fancy date. It was completely, 100%, spur of the moment, on the fly. And honestly, I can't imagine it being any other way. So, without further ado, this is the little story of how Joe proposed to me.

The night Joe proposed I was really excited because my bestie for life, Amy, was in town visiting with her husband (JSP), and her baby (Ez Bug). I made plans to go to Amy's mom's house in Arcola to see them. This was after a huge storm blew through Fort Wayne and most of the city was without power. Unfortunately the pizza place Joe works at got power back 2 hours before his scheduled shift was supposed to be over so he ended up having to go to work. So, I went to by myself and was already filled to the brim with excitement because I was going to see my favorite little family for the first time in months.

That weekend happened to be the Arcola Tractor Pulls. If you've never been to or been near the tractor pulls you are really missing out. They're even on ESPN2 on about a 3 month delay, sell fair food and are loud enough to keep your ears ringing for days, so they're obviously a big deal if you're into that kind of thing. Anyway, I spent a some time holding Ez, catching up with Jeff and Amy, and talking and enjoying the background noise of some mean tractors.

When Joe got off work he came out to join us. The whole time we were all hanging out Joe was being really fidgety and not really like himself. I thought it was a little weird but I didn't think much of it. As it got later we were all getting sleepy because once you pass the age of 21 you apparently get tired as soon as the clock strikes 10:30, plus Jeff and Amy were still recovering from a long trip and a baby thrown off his sleep schedule. So, we said our goodbyes, gave hugs, and Joe and I walked out the door.

As we were walking out to our cars Joe and I were talking about nothing particular when suddenly he grabbed my arm and spun me around. He was holding a ring in his finger, shaking like a leaf, and told me he couldn't wait, and asked me to marry him.

At first I thought he was joking. So I did the only logical thing and started running away and saying no over and over. (I'm a peach!) Then I realized he was not joking and  and pure shock set in. He told me he had wanted to ask my dad for permission, plan a big proposal out and make it special. But, after finally getting the ring he was too nervous and anxious to wait.

He got down on one knee and said some of the most genuine words to me anyone has ever said. He asked me to marry him again and after what probably seemed like an eternity, I said yes! We laughed and cried and hugged and soaked in our first few moments of going from boyfriend and girlfriend, to future husband and wife.

The first picture I ever took of my engagement ring.

I'm not very good at photographing it.

It was crazy and spontaneous (and not to mention loud). I really can't picture it happening any other way! I still feel myself smile when I think about it and I never want that feeling to go away.

And so it begins.

On June 30, around 11pm, I joined the ranks of “brides to be”. While the actual idea of becoming engaged was not a surprise, (Joseph and I have been together for close to 3 years and have openly discussed it), the timing of his proposal was definitely a shock.

Me being really excited about being engaged.

Ever since we hit the 1 year mark in our relationship marriage has been a topic of discussion. Sometimes just a “what if?” but in the last few months it became a more serious subject. We went and looked at rings together in December so Joe could get an idea of what I liked. At first the idea of looking at rings was slightly terrifying and overwhelming. But, during our little outing I became really excited about the prospect of having a ring on my finger from him. When we last talked about getting engaged Joseph had told me that if he did propose he probably wouldn't do it until I was done with school in May. I was completely fine with that and didn't think anything else of it. Cue the surprise.

Just a little over 2 weeks after that very conversation my boyfriend of 2 ½ years was down on bended knee in front of me holding a ring. For the first time in our entire relationship he had surprised me. After a few floored seconds (and I'm sure what seemed like an eternity to him) I finally mustered an audible yes.. And just like that we went from boyfriend and girlfriend to this new, weird, territory that is being fiance's.

A month into being engaged so many new and different thoughts, feelings, experiences and conversations have happened.  Suddenly, I'm someone's future wife, future sister-in-law, future daughter-in-law, future (official) aunt. People want to look at my hand every day. I've had more conversations about color combinations, budgets, possible flower arrangements and my favorite songs than I have ever had in my life. It's been daunting almost but I would definitely not trade it for anything in the world.

I won't pretend to be a cool,hip, stylish blogger. I'm just as clueless as everyone else when it comes to planning a wedding. I'm feeling my way around one inspiration board/website/blog at a time. This will be my own trek on the road towards wedding bells complete with all of the twists, turns, hits and misses that I happen upon along the way. If people read it, great. If no one does (but I kind of hope someone does) then that's ok too. I'm just really excited to be engaged to my best friend (cheesy?) and to plan a wedding and to become a wife and to start this new chapter in my life!