Becoming a Healthier Bride-To-Be and Me!

I've gone back and forth over whether I wanted to talk about this here or not. It's a touchy subject and something I can be kind of sensitive about. But, inevitably I decided that if I'm going to share every other experience of mine dealing with this whole engagement and wedding, then I might as well really share it all.

My weight and body image are something I have struggled with my whole life. I've always been thick. I come from genes on both side of my family that have left me with some less than desirable body traits.  I grew up not always feeling the best about myself, getting picked on for being the "chubby girl", and wishing I was as thin as my friends. As I grew out of my awkward stage somewhere in middle school I thinned out a bit and got solid. I was a dancer, and later a performer, for years, so while I was a thick girl, I was all muscle and constantly working out in some way, shape, or form.

Then I graduated high school. My freshman year of college I really didn't do too bad. It was when I moved out on my own that bad habits set in. While I had a full-time job, I was also paying rent, and my groceries, and my gas for the first time. I realized that buying processed foods was way cheaper than fruits and veggies. After working and going to class all day by the time I got home cooking and working out did not sound fun. Party pizzas and Ramen became my best friends. And then when Joe and I started dating things really went nuts. Suddenly I wasn't trying to impress someone or feeling like I needed to look a certain way. I was finally comfortable with myself and with someone who liked me for me and how I looked. We went out to eat a lot. Pizza Hut was right across the street from my apartment complex so we ordered it often when we were looking for something close and quick. I indulged in my sweet tooth more than normal. They say when you enter a new relationship and you are comfortable you gain a little "love weight". I won't say exactly how much I have gained between when I first met Joe and now, but I will say it is a significant number I am not proud of.

About a year and a half ago I decided to do something to get myself healthy. I started working out, cooking more, and making healthy choices. I joined a program that was easy to follow and made me feel good. I lost somewhere around 20 pounds and was feeling really good about myself. Then life got busy, I got lazy, and somehow before I knew it I gained all the weight I worked so hard to lose back pound by pound. After being mad at myself and feeling sorry I decided to try to do something about it. Over the summer I joined a gym and was working out regularly. However, I still ran into the old problems of convenience, a love of food, and a killer sweet tooth which probably just canceled out the work I was doing at the gym.

After we got engaged and I started looking at wedding dresses I got a little panicked thinking about trying dresses on. I could just see myself trying on a dress for the best day of my life and feeling insecure about how I looked and not enjoying it. So, I decided to do something about it. I've recommitted myself to becoming a healthier me. I've rejoined the program I lost 20 pounds on, attended my first meeting, and had my first weigh-in. I don't want to say I'm only losing weight for my wedding, but it is definitely what is giving me the biggest kick in the butt right now. I want to feel beautiful on my big day and not have the little voice in the back of my head that is ever-present doubting me and bringing me down. I want to feel good about myself inside and out now, for my wedding, and beyond. I have an ultimate goal weight in mind along with little goals I'd like to hit along the way. I'm not ready to share those yet, but maybe eventually.

I'm excited to start this journey. I've done it before so I know I can do it! I just need to stay committed and focused on what I am doing and why!