And Then, I Had My First Wedding Induced Breakdown

This past Sunday marked 6 months until the wedding day! I can’t believe how fast time has gone by. It seems like it was just a few weeks ago that it was last summer and it seemed like so long until our big day would arrive. We’ve gone from counting years, to months, and now we’re down to only half of a year left. As we come to these last few months before the wedding there is so much going on that it’s hard to keep straight. We’re making appointments, putting down down-payments, make real final decisions – and it’s a little overwhelming.

Throughout this whole wedding hoopla I’ve managed to remain pretty calm. I’ve definitely been way more laid back than I thought I would be. For someone who constantly over thinks, over analyzes and worries constantly, I’ve kept my cool for over a year. I’ve had moments where I’ve felt anxious or nervous or a little stressed, but nothing I haven’t been able to brush off – until last week. I don’t really know what exactly set it off, but within two days alone we 100% solidified everything with the church, received our information for our “engaged couple” classes we have to take, hired a day-of coordinator, contacted a DJ and started conversations about lots of details that we need to solidify. There’s so much left to do and I would have never dreamed there was so much on the wedding to-do list when we started this.

I guess I just got a little overwhelmed and it hit me all at once. One minute I was happy talking to my mom and grandma on the phone about ordering wedding invitations and save the dates, and the next I was standing in the kitchen crying, holding a corn cob and crying into Joe’s shoulder. 

Among the things flooding through my head at the time:

        These pre-marital classes are going to be intense.
        What if we fail our pre-marital classes?
        Is that possible?
        We need a florist.
        We need a DJ.
        What if no one dances?
        Why don’t I have an opinion on flowers?!
        I still have bridesmaids that need to be fitted for their dresses.
        What if my dress doesn’t fit when it comes in?
        Can someone be excited for me for a minute so I can freak out and feel
        ok about it?
        What if no one wants to come.
        Am I behind in wedding planning?
        SIX MONTHS!!!!!!!

Among other things…. Basically I was having a wedding stress-induced meltdown and all poor Joe could do is take the corn cob from my hand, tell me it would be ok, and take over prepping dinner while I collected myself on the couch. After chatting with my best via text and realizing I probably sounded like an over-dramatic, oversensitive bridezilla, I calmed down and was back to my normal happy self.

Sometimes it's hard being so excited and consumed by something and feeling like no one else cares or is as excited as you are. Sometimes planning and thinking about all of the big and little details that will go into this one day is overwhelming and makes me want to run off to some far away land and just elope. Sometimes  you have really irrational thoughts and feelings that I'm finding just come with the territory. 

I've read a lot of things on blogs and wedding websites that say that planning a wedding and being engaged are really one of the most surreal and unique experiences people have. You're preparing to join to lives together, and while many people go through the same process, no two experiences are the same. You're planning one day that will kickstart YOUR ENTIRE LIFE WITH SOMEONE, and to you it is all consuming, and to everyone else it's...just one day. 

So, I've decided it's ok to feel overwhelmed every once in awhile. And it's ok to have a good cry while being a little irrational when I need to just let go. There have been a few arguments, stresses, and tears, but nothing that has made me completely lose my mind entirely. If I made it over a year without having a complete meltdown, hopefully I can take this one, breathe, and go the next 6 months without another one. I know I have so much support from friends and family no matter how I'm feeling otherwise.

Here's to the next 6 months, and avoiding turning into a walking disaster bridezilla mess!