On the Near Future...

Can I just admit something right now? I'm a little scared and nervous and excited and overwhelmed all at once. In a little over 3 months I will be a college graduate. I've been looking forward to my college graduation from my very first day of college classes nearly 5 years ago. It hasn't always been a smooth ride. While much of my college experiences have been fulfilling, I've also had my struggles with anxiety and homesickness. So needless to say, closing this chapter of my life is much anticipated. I'm excited to venture into this new part of my life. I'll be entering a new era of independence (no longer supported by my family), entering the workforce, gaining even more responsibility for my life, planning a wedding, starting a life with Joe, and becoming a wife.  These are also the things that are currently terrifying me.

I've always been someone that teeters on this line of the thinking that the future is this super exciting adventure, and a terrifying, scary thing that I want to hide under my covers from. The uncertainty of all of the things that are coming my way makes me feel helpless sometimes. In the perfect world inside of my head I would already have a job lined up, a nice little house to live in, and enough money to never have to worry about paying rent and bills and still being able to live the way I'd like. However, reality is much, much different. I'm sure things will fall into place. I always have a tendency to freak out about things more than they are worth freaking out over. It's just that this next chapter of my life is suddenly feeling so real. I'm not just counting down the days until I graduate, I'm counting down the days while finishing up my last semester of classes and looking for an apartment/house to live in that falls in my and Joe's budget while looking for a job. I'm counting down to entering a new chapter of my life that involves a lot of things that will be new to me. The countdown used to just make me ecstatic, and now I have my brief moment of excitement paired with anxiety and panic.

I know this is likely how almost every soon-to-be graduate feels as their time in the little caccoon that is college starts to come to a close. Scared, afraid of what you don't know, fearing failing. I just feel like I'm afraid of so many things. I'm afraid of failing in the real world. I'm afraid to apply for jobs or send my resume out because I don't always think I'm near good enough. I'm afraid I won't be a good homemaker. I'm afraid that after 3 years of only getting to see each other once a week, being around each other constantly will change my and Joe's relationship. I'm afraid of what changes marriage will bring to friendships and other relationships. I'm afraid that I don't know what is going to happen in the future. I think I read somewhere that the things that scare you the most are the best things. I think I'll go with that.

I know that all I can do is feed myself positive thoughts. Graduating should be an exciting event and the next year should be a great adventure. I always find that I let my fear and anxiety keep me from doing so much, and enjoying so many things. I want to be able to fully experience the next year with complete and utter happiness, not fear. I think it's time to bring in some happy thoughts for a happy time.