Ever since Joe and I became engaged there has been no shortage of advice, cautionary tales, and questions about our decision to marry young. We are currently 22 and 23 and will be 24 and 25 when we get married. While we are not the youngest people I know that are taking steps into married life, we are young and will be young when we walk down the aisle. While I see no real issue in this as one of my very best friends is married, many people I went to high school with are getting engaged and married, and my parents and grandparents were younger than me when they took the leap, I can understand and see where others concern is coming from.
I realize that some see marrying young as a mistake of sorts. I've heard people my own age say things like "marrying before you're 25 is a lot like leaving the party early". I've heard stories from people about: higher divorce rates, not having all of life's experiences, not being financially secure and established in life, problems coming up from not being "mature" enough, not knowing who you really are yet, and so on... While I appreciate people's concern and opinions, and I usually meet them with head nods and uncomfortable laughter, I welcome all of these challenges with open arms.
My parents married very young. My mom was 22 and my dad was 19. They are divorced. People like to point this out to me when the quip of marrying young = divorce comes about. Every relationship is different. Can Joe or I predict whether our own marriage will end in divorce? No, I don't think anyone can or wants to predict something like that (and if you are I would highly suggest you don't get married). But, we are both from divorced families. I think this gives us an advantage of sorts as we know what it's like to go through a divorce, how awful and ugly it can be. I know plenty of people who were young marrieds who are still happily married today. A great example I have in my life is my grandparent's. They were married when my grandma was 18 and just celebrated their 48th wedding anniversary.
As for the people who say "You're so young! Kiss a few more guys! Finish school and get a good job! Experience life a little more and grow! Get out and live your dreams! Set yourself up in the real world and find yourself before you settle down!"; I have a few thoughts of my own. I was lucky that I found the person I want to settle down with when I was 19. Even though I was still a teenager I experienced plenty of love and heartache (usually more heartache and anger than lovey dovey feelings). I am so lucky that I was able to find someone who understands me, who makes me laugh, who encourages me in every aspect of my life, who is just as willing to be there for me when I'm mad as he is when I'm happy. I lucked out in finding someone who never lets us go to bed angry at each other, who wipes away my tears, who doesn't make me feel bad about myself, and who I can call my best friend. We didn't plan it.
As for letting myself grow, living my dreams, and getting set up in the "real world" before taking the next big step; I can't wait to do these things with Joe by my side. I really hope that I never stop growing and changing as a person. I would hope that just because I settle down and become a married girl and decide to start a family someday that I don't reach some stopping point. That would be boring and make for a very dull life, and a very dull Katie. I hope that we can have the life we envision in our minds. I hope that we can grow together and be there for each other through each new twist and turn in this adventure called life.
Just because being engaged now, getting married as I reach my mid-twenties, or the person I'm choosing to marry isn't what some people may want, it's what I want. Just because some people may think Joe or I haven't seen or done enough, or that we should wait and live a little more; I don't think that. I am very confident in our decision and I am so unbelievably happy. I don't want to date around and go back to dating liars and cheaters and creepers and guys that just don't quite fill my heart. I don't want to navigate the world alone again, it's so much more fun with someone by your side who is just excited about your combined future as you are. Marriage is not something to take lightly. We've been together for almost three years. We have talked about where we see ourselves in life and about marriage many times.
Being young, engaged, and on the way toward married life is not for everyone, I get that. But, it is for me and Joe. We lucked out. While not everyone can understand that, and I don't expect everyone to, I do think that we deserve some respect. I really don't want to seem like I am ungrateful for people sharing their thoughts, opinions, and stories with me. I really do appreciate it and know that it is all just coming from a place of concern and love.
I would just like for people to trust my judgement, trust Joe's judgement, and know that this is exactly what feels right in my heart and what makes me happy. I want people to respect our decision and respect us as a couple. Just because some may not understand, or think that it's wrong, it doesn't make it wrong. We may be young, but we're ready for this next step and look forward to navigating everything life throws at us together.
(And this in no way is meant to sound like we have no support, we have a great support system. We are very lucky to have great friends and loving families who are happy and excited for us. These are just my thoughts from a few conversations and things I have seen and heard.)
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